I WANTED TO DIE...
Depression and low self-esteem were my constant companions. A dark cloud not only hung over me, it had a crushing effect as well. I wanted to end my life. Why did a 24 year old with a wonderful husband, two healthy and handsome little boys with a beautiful house wanted to take her life?
I had lost my faith in God. I doubted His existence. No more church for me, no more prayers. My prayer request had been for my husband to start coming to church with me. I thought, "I'm asking for a good thing, if God does not care, then there is probably not a God." On top of that my self-esteem had plummeted and I felt miserable.
I admire people who are strong in spite of tragedy and trauma in their lives. I'm emotionally weak. The only reason why I didn't take my life is because I didn't want any pain and didn't want my two boys to grow up without a mother.
Have you ever felt depressed and hopeless? Is life too hard and painful? I'm writing this for you. In spite of the fact that my back and neck hurt as I sit in front of my computer to write, there was an urgency today for me to write and tell you to please be strong and courageous.
Joy comes in the morning and God's mercies are new every morning. There were times when I struggled with an issue and it seemed overwhelming. I would go to bed not wanting to ever wake up. The next day, I would wake up and the issue didn't seem as big anymore. Sometimes the solution to my problem came right away. If I had ended my life, I wouldn't be here writing to you today.
My healing began when I was invited to attend a Bible study. I learned about God's unconditional love and His amazing grace. I began to trust and love God gradually. For my readers who know me personally, you are probably shocked to know this is who I was in my early twenties. You have only known a woman who is filled with joy and a zest for life, a woman who is passionately in love with Jesus! God transformed my life and gave me a reason to live.
If you are struggling right now, this is my prayer for you:
I thank you for removing the chains of depression from my life. I pray for protection for the person who is reading this blog and might be contemplating suicide. Lord, please give them hope and comfort at this very moment. Lord, the enemy, the devil, wants to destroy them, but You want to give them life and life to the fullest. Please surround this person with your love and your peace. Please embrace them and reveal your love to them. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
This is me now....
May this song bless you and encourage you...you are loved!!!
Until next time :)